[The audio clicks on, but Bones hesitates before saying anything, because telling everyone about this is just. Not something he wants to do. There are unhappy wolf noises in the background, because Nymeria's staying with McCoy for a while and is decidedly Not Pleased about Arya's disappearance.]

Ar- Cat's gone. [Flat. He's super depressed] Her room's still here, and she's still on my item, so I guess the Admiral booted her home for a while or something. [And Nymeria hasn't been able to track her anywhere, so she probably poofed home. But if any of you assholes kidnapped her or whatever, McCoy will find you and he will make sure you spend the rest of your miserable life being sorry. :|]

If anyone's looking for her in the mean time, let me know.

[It kind of sounds like he wants to leave it at that, but there's stuff to do, and he's good at throwing himself into work when he's depressed. Even if this is really just opening the door for more bullshit and horrors, but oh well. He still sounds pretty flat and resigned, because fuck this place. :\]

Merlin's joining the infirmary staff as another direct care warden, so if anything ever happens to me or I'm not around for whatever reason, you go to him for help. If anyone's got some medical experience and wants to help out, or wants training, Hey- Nymeria- Stop it- [The unhappy wolf noises have been getting louder for a couple seconds, before they're interrupted for a moment as she starts nosing at the communicator curiously (or out of annoyance, stop playing with it and take me to the CES to kill some rabbits plz :|) and McCoy gently tries to get her to stop, finally giving up and turning around, scratching her ears a little.]

We could always use the extra hand. We've got nursing positions open for wardens and inmates, and a couple people who know first aid on call in case we need an extra hand. Inmates'll need warden permission before they can sign on.

[Backdated to after Crane's post, because Bones grumpy. :|]

For the record, this is my universe. I've been to this planet before, and anything you pick up, either I or the hospital here can treat. Nothing's gonna come as a surprise, and the sooner you fess up about whatever the hell you did to yourself, the sooner it'll stop being an issue.

They've got UT's at the hospital, but the doctors should know how to speak English anyway. Don't be an idiot if you get hurt.

[Spam for Arya]

( tl;dr spam, cut to spare your flists. )

Now that we're back to our regularly scheduled programming, [Har har.] I'll be back in the infirmary in a while. For any new people, I'm Doctor Leonard McCoy. I'm the Chief Medical Officer on board the Starship Enterprise, and I'm head of the infirmary here.

[Private to Arya]

You doing alright?

[Private to Merlin]

Thanks for holding down the fort.

[Spam for Jim]

[Messages sent out, McCoy hesitated before sending another to Jim, because he really didn't know what to say to him. It had been a weird flood, and he wasn't exactly great at articulating stuff like thanks for bugging the hell out of me after I threw up on you in a shuttle because my life would really suck without you.

So, after going back and forth about it for a while longer, he got up and headed down to Jim's room, knocking on the door and waiting for his friend to answer the door.]

Do you people need hobbies or something? I can promise you, reading or knitting or whatever's way more productive than stabbing each other in the hallways. Good God. [Heavy, heavy sigh. Fuck all of you and your stab happy bullshit. :\]

For any new arrivals, I'm Doctor Leonard McCoy. I'm the Chief Medical Officer on board the Starship Enterprise back home and I'm the head of the infirmary here.

Some ground rules: you are not allowed to leave the infirmary until you've checked in with a doctor so if you fall on your ass in the hallway during your escape attempt, we've at least got an idea of where the hell you wandered off to and can come looking. The infirmary is always staffed by a medical professional, who are all here to help you when you need it. Don't be a moron and hide something that's just gonna do more damage when it heals incorrectly. We're not gonna bite you.

Anyone who hasn't come in for a quick exam yet should get in here as soon as possible. The procedure's done without physical contact and the results are confidential. They're just used as a baseline so we know what's normal for you in case you're ever brought in here too injured to give proper medical information. [You don't want to die on the operating table because you forgot to mention you're allergic to some antibiotics or painkillers. :|]

Anyone who's medically trained who wants to lend a hand, or anyone who'd like to brush up on some first aid should contact me. Any inmates who volunteer will need their warden's permission before they're approved.

[ooc: If anyone currently in the infirmary/visiting the infirmary/what have you wants to spam him, I am totally down for it! He basically lives in there.]

[So, this is just another weekend on the Barge for Dr. Lenore McCoy, and everyone's constant oh god what is happening is starting to wear on her admittedly easy to piss off nerves. So she looks a little grouchy while broadcasting from the infirmary while wearing some blue scrubs instead of her usual Starfleet uniform, since none of the ones currently in her closet fit correctly.]

Well, whatever the hell this flood is, the infirmary's still open, so if anyone's got anything they're medically freaked out about, I guess come on down.

[She is not convinced this won't unleash some kind of crazy hell upon the staff but. Ohhhh well.]

[Private to Arya]

You okay, Cat?

[Private to Jim]

You'd better not be doing anything stupid.

[Private to Merlin]

How the "princess" treating you?

[ooc: Will be tagging around with damnitjamie and Bones thinks she's always been a woman but remembers you as your correct genders, i.e. Arya is still a girl Jim is still a guy etc.]

For any of the new arrivals, I'm Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Office on board the starship Enterprise back home and head of the infirmary here. I'd really appreciate it if anyone who hasn't already could come down for a medical exam. Since most of you come in without medical records on hand for us to look at, it gives us an idea of what's normal for you in case you're ever hurt on board. Existing medical conditions, allergies, that kind of thing. They only take a couple minutes, the procedure's done without touching you and the results are confidential.

And as long as we're on the subject, we're kinda understaffed at the moment since Caesares and Martha left, and most of the support care inmates have either graduated or left. If anyone's got any medical experience and wants to lend a hand, contact me and we can try to work something out. Inmates will need their warden's permission before they're allowed on support staff.

[Warden Filter]

I was also thinking - especially after what happened in October - we should get a list of people who can help out in the event something happens where most of the normal people on staff are incapacitated, especially since it's just me and the Doctor as actual doctors on staff.

I'd be happy with anyone with some first aid experience or knows how to help out in a medical crisis, and if people are interested in being trained further, that can definitely be arranged. The list will be kept posted in the infirmary and people on support staff will be kept up to date with who to call in case [Something awful happens to me and everyone else. :U] something happens.

[Private to Jim]

I'm putting you down on the list whether you like it or not.

[Private to Arya]

You have a good time with Arthur? [Please tell me you didn't seriously injure him and leave him to suffer in the CES. :|]

[ooc: The list of people who want to be used as extra 911 contacts will be posted and updated here, and now's also a good time to go post there if your character has a preexisting medical condition Bones and the rest of the infirmary staff should know about! This ranges from noticeable injuries, psychological issues, infirmary related triggers, biological differences from humans, allergies and history of addiction, so if there's anything medically relevant, post away!]

[Bones clicks on the video to show him sitting in his room with about five other fake, cooing tribbles sitting on his desk, in several different colors. The one you all saw a few days ago he handed off to Jane, but he got a couple more of them over the course of the flood.

But, at least he's an adult again, back in clothes that fit, and that's sort of good enough for him. Besides, the cooing is kind of pleasant.]

I've got more of these fake tribbles than anyone could ever want, thanks to that flood. If anyone feels like adopting one of 'em, I'd be happy to hand one over.

And Cat, I think we'd better talk.

[Bones has set up shop in the infirmary just like usual, despite being a cranky fifteen year old, and has managed to get his hands on some blue scrubs that... kind of fit. He does not look pleased to be several inches shorter and going through puberty again, but let's be real here people, Bones rarely looks particularly pleased about anything.]

The infirmary's still open. I don't care if I'm a kid, I can still operate a tricorder and administer hypos, so if anyone gets hurt, don't keep it to yourself. There're still people around who can help you out.

Jim, Arya- [Whatever he was going to say is getting interrupted by unhappy screeching, and McCoy picks up a plush tribble, opens up the velcro pouch where the controls are, clicks the switch over and the screeching is replaced with cooing instead.

That's right, he got a toy tribble for Christmas. And he just rolls his eyes and sets it aside. The cooing can still be heard off screen.]

Just tell me if you need anything.

[ooc: I will be replying with damnitjocelyn again. <3]

As interesting a history lesson as that flood was, I could've done without turning into a chain smoker. Anyone have any suggestions on how to get the smell out of stuff?

For any of you new people, I'm Doctor Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the starship Enterprise and head of the infirmary here. We're kinda short staffed at the moment, so if there's anyone who wants to lend a hand, let me know and we'll try to work something out. Inmates'll need to get permission from their warden before they're allowed on staff.

Any new arrivals should come down to the infirmary whenever they're able for a medical exam. It takes five minutes, is no touch and the results are confidential. We use them to create a medical baseline in case something happens while you're on board.

[Private to Spock]

You've been awful quiet lately.

[Private to T'Pol]

You alright? [Dat flood man. :|]

[Private to Arya]

How're you doing, kid?

[Private to Arya]

Cat, where are you?

Paris. Not exactly where I'd pick for some shore leave, but I guess I'll take it. Way everyone was talking, kind of figured this would be a hell of a lot worse.

Anyone know what happened to the Eiffel Tower?

[Private to Sloth]

You want to do some exploring? Figure this is a little different from what you're used to, might as well take advantage of it.

[Private to Jim]

Do I even wanna know what you've been up to since we got dumped off?

[Private to Spock]

Don't suppose you brought along a Universal Translator, did you? [He is totally not checking up on you because he cares or anything. Of course not. :|]

[Private to John Connor]

I've got a medkit with me, so if you need anything, let me know. I don't know what kind of medical facilities we'd have access to here, but I'm not sure I really want to find out, either.

[Private to Arya]

Keeping out of trouble?

[ooc: This is supposed to be for day one of port, but if you have other stuff you'd want to poke him about/drag him into, post away. c:]

Whatever this invisible, whistlin' - [Ssshhhhshsssh.] - he's starting to sorely test my patience.

[Private to Sloth]

Dr. Leonard McCoy. I've got your file. Where do you want to meet?

[Private to John Connor]

Either stop by the infirmary when you've gotta chance or let me know when's a good time to stop by your room. I've got a couple things I want to talk about with you.

[Private to Arya]

How're you doing, kid?