[Backdated to after Crane's post, because Bones grumpy. :|]

For the record, this is my universe. I've been to this planet before, and anything you pick up, either I or the hospital here can treat. Nothing's gonna come as a surprise, and the sooner you fess up about whatever the hell you did to yourself, the sooner it'll stop being an issue.

They've got UT's at the hospital, but the doctors should know how to speak English anyway. Don't be an idiot if you get hurt.

[Spam for Arya]

( tl;dr spam, cut to spare your flists. )

Do you people need hobbies or something? I can promise you, reading or knitting or whatever's way more productive than stabbing each other in the hallways. Good God. [Heavy, heavy sigh. Fuck all of you and your stab happy bullshit. :\]

For any new arrivals, I'm Doctor Leonard McCoy. I'm the Chief Medical Officer on board the Starship Enterprise back home and I'm the head of the infirmary here.

Some ground rules: you are not allowed to leave the infirmary until you've checked in with a doctor so if you fall on your ass in the hallway during your escape attempt, we've at least got an idea of where the hell you wandered off to and can come looking. The infirmary is always staffed by a medical professional, who are all here to help you when you need it. Don't be a moron and hide something that's just gonna do more damage when it heals incorrectly. We're not gonna bite you.

Anyone who hasn't come in for a quick exam yet should get in here as soon as possible. The procedure's done without physical contact and the results are confidential. They're just used as a baseline so we know what's normal for you in case you're ever brought in here too injured to give proper medical information. [You don't want to die on the operating table because you forgot to mention you're allergic to some antibiotics or painkillers. :|]

Anyone who's medically trained who wants to lend a hand, or anyone who'd like to brush up on some first aid should contact me. Any inmates who volunteer will need their warden's permission before they're approved.

[ooc: If anyone currently in the infirmary/visiting the infirmary/what have you wants to spam him, I am totally down for it! He basically lives in there.]

[Bones has set up shop in the infirmary just like usual, despite being a cranky fifteen year old, and has managed to get his hands on some blue scrubs that... kind of fit. He does not look pleased to be several inches shorter and going through puberty again, but let's be real here people, Bones rarely looks particularly pleased about anything.]

The infirmary's still open. I don't care if I'm a kid, I can still operate a tricorder and administer hypos, so if anyone gets hurt, don't keep it to yourself. There're still people around who can help you out.

Jim, Arya- [Whatever he was going to say is getting interrupted by unhappy screeching, and McCoy picks up a plush tribble, opens up the velcro pouch where the controls are, clicks the switch over and the screeching is replaced with cooing instead.

That's right, he got a toy tribble for Christmas. And he just rolls his eyes and sets it aside. The cooing can still be heard off screen.]

Just tell me if you need anything.

[ooc: I will be replying with damnitjocelyn again. <3]